In the realm of divorce and relationship breakdowns, the term "narcissist" has become so commonplace that it's practically a buzzword. It seems like everyone has encountered or heard about someone on the narcissism spectrum. But is your ex-partner truly a narcissist with a personality disorder, or are we using this label too liberally when relationships go sour? Is there an epidemic or is the term overused?
Let's take a closer look.
What's the Buzz About Narcissism?
The confusion surrounding narcissism arises from how the terms "narcissist" and "narcissism" have evolved over time. This shift was primarily due to the emergence of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), a name that even professionals agree is somewhat misleading. The issue doesn't stem from the trait of narcissism itself but rather from the aggressive and perfectionistic tendencies often associated with those who have this personality disorder.
The Narcissism Checklist: Navigating NPD Symptoms
- Two-Faced Behavior: Talking negatively about friends and family behind their backs.
- Narcissistic Rage: Difficulty admitting mistakes and getting angry, even with mild criticism.
- Blaming Others: Holding others responsible for their failures and lack of success.
- Public vs. Private Persona: Being a different person in private than in public.
- Irresponsibility: Acting irresponsibly and unreliably, often taking advantage of others' hard work.
- Arrogance: Displaying arrogance and superiority toward family and close friends.
- Fantasy World: Living in a fantasy world that may include various behaviors like excessive porn consumption, affairs, and dreams of fame and success.
- Addictions: Potentially having other addictions such as alcohol, tobacco, gambling, drugs, shopping, or sex.
- Lying and Distorting Facts: Lying about things easily disproven. Manipulating facts, changing historical events to suit their agenda.
- Exploitative Behavior: Using people, stealing, bribing, and mishandling money.
- Emotional Unavailability: Being distant and emotionally unavailable, except when they want something.
- Lack of Empathy: Showing a lack of empathy for others, particularly those they exploit.
- Controlling Nature: Being controlling and unable to relax.
- Charming Exterior: Appearing charming and even humble in public.
- Provoking Conflicts: Provoking people and then blaming them for the ensuing fights.
Sound like anyone you know?
Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a mental health condition characterized by an exaggerated sense of self-importance. People with NPD often crave excessive attention and admiration while struggling to comprehend or care about others' feelings. Behind their mask of extreme confidence, they are often fragile, alone and easily wounded by criticism.
It's worth noting that NPD tends to affect more males than females and often manifests in the teenage years or early adulthood. While some children may exhibit narcissistic traits, these behaviors are often part of normal development and don't necessarily indicate they will develop NPD.
Let's remember the importance of using such clinical terms responsibly. Throwing around the label of "narcissist" without genuine cause can undermine the experiences of those who have truly endured abuse associated with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Just saying!
With empathy and understanding,
Susannah xx