Supporting a friend going through a divorce or separation is a sensitive and crucial task. It's important to offer empathy, understanding, and practical assistance while being mindful of what to say and what to do.
What to Do:
- Listen and Empathize: Be a good listener. Allow your friend to express their feelings without judgment. Offer a shoulder to cry on and a sympathetic ear.
- Avoid Unsolicited Advice: Don't offer advice unless your friend specifically asks for it. Divorce situations vary greatly, so it's best to let them seek professional guidance when necessary.
- Consult Professionals: Encourage your friend to consult a lawyer for legal matters and a doctor if they're struggling with anxiety or sleep issues. Be supportive and gentle when suggesting this.
- Maintain Confidentiality: Assure your friend that your conversations are confidential. They need to know they can trust you with their feelings and concerns.
- Use Text Messages: Understand that your friend may not feel up to talking on the phone or in person initially. Text messages can be a lifeline for communication during this challenging time.
- Offer Specific Help: Make concrete offers of assistance, such as taking care of the kids, leaving supplies at their door, or handling school pick-ups. Specific offers show you're willing to ease their burden.
What Not to Do:
- Avoid Probing Questions: Don't push for details about what happened or why the divorce is occurring. Let your friend share when they're ready.
- Don't Overemphasize the Future: While a positive attitude is crucial, avoid talking excessively about their future prospects, as it may be hard for them to envision it in the midst of trauma.
- Be Mindful of Dating: Don't assume they'll want to date again soon or ever! Respect their timeline for healing and potentially considering new relationships.
- Avoid Prescribing Solutions: Refrain from telling them they must see a psychologist or that they should go out for a night on the town. Everyone's healing process is unique, and they will seek professional help if they choose.
Being a supportive friend during a divorce or separation means offering a listening ear, practical assistance, and understanding without judgment. Text messages can be a lifeline for communication, and it's essential to respect your friend's individual healing journey and needs. Celebrate their new life once they've reached a point of equilibrium and are ready to move forward. Your care and empathy will never be forgotten.
Love Susannah xx