To forgive or not to forgive? That is the question. Forgiveness takes on diverse meanings across social platforms, cultures, and religions. In recent times, a prevailing trend is to advocate for forgiveness, even in the face of the most heinous acts. The reasoning behind this is clear: not forgiving ultimately harms oneself.
In the aftermath of my divorce, many have asked if I've reached a point of forgiveness. The straightforward answer is no. It's not just because of what he did, but it's also due to what he continues to do. There's been no compassion, only revenge in the courtroom since my decision to leave. It's perplexing that I, the one who wasn't unfaithful, didn't lie, and didn't shatter two families (both mine and his other partner), am the object of his anger.
So, when it comes to forgiveness, I granted forgiveness numerous times during our marriage. I forgave for extended absences and for not being there when I needed help. However, when his infidelity was revealed to me by his father, I discovered that I had no more forgiveness to give. To this day, I remain devoid of forgiveness. Frankly, forgiving him would let him off the hook, and I don't believe I deserved to be treated the way I was. No one does.
Taylor Swift encapsulates it perfectly when she says, "You know, people go on and on about, like, you have to forgive and forget to move past something. No, you don't. You don't have to forgive, and you don't have to forget to move on. You can move on without any of those things happening. You just become indifferent, and then you move on."
So, instead of fixating on the act of forgiveness, I'm concentrating on forward motion. I'm focused on the future, on becoming indifferent, just as The Oracle suggests.
However, there's one forgiveness I've reserved, and that's for myself. I forgive myself for believing, trusting, and caring when I should have noticed the red flags accumulating like bunting at a Chinese New Year festival!
To me, forgiving oneself is the key to moving forward.
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With love,
Susannah